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I love talking about thought management because it’s important to know that our thoughts create our feelings which creates the way we act and creates the results that we get. When we think about taking control of our life, the first place to look is our thoughts. Then we change what we’re thinking!
I wish I could take my old self and shake me and make me understand that the only thing standing between me and who I wanted to be were the thoughts that I bought into. And man, did I really buy into those thoughts! They became my beliefs, where I operated from. And I was always working diligently to prove my bullshit stories right. Any time I would do a diet and it got hard, I would tell myself that I was just big boned, and it was harder for me to lose weight than other people. And then I would give up. I would feel like shit about it, but I also felt that it was right because it’s what I expected to happen.
If we want to get different results, we need to not only think different thoughts, but believe those different thoughts.
The art of believing your thoughts really comes from faith. Originally when we say a new thought it’s not going to feel authentic. If you don’t speak Spanish and start taking a Spanish class, you’re speaking the language, but it sounds weird and off because you aren’t fluent in it yet. It’s new and clunky.
It’s the same when you’re thinking the new thoughts. In the beginning it can feel like you’re faking it. What I like to do is ask myself how I can think the new thought but also acknowledge that I’m not fully believing it yet. If this seems confusing, don’t worry. I’m going to give you three new thoughts and walk you through them so you can see what I’m talking about.
I’m an all or nothing girl.
If this is you and you’re always all in, then you don’t have a problem. But what I notice is that most women who say it’s all or nothing usually end up doing nothing. What they’re really doing is using it as an excuse to explain why right now isn’t the time they want to do it. They tell themselves that they will make a change, but now isn’t the time.
If you’re using all or nothing as an excuse, ask yourself what it would look like if that was untrue. The new thought you can use is,
It’s unreasonable to believe that as an imperfect person, I am supposed to be perfect.
The problem with all or nothing is that if you’re all in but then you have a rough time and decide to be all out, you’re never going to achieve your goals. It’s unreasonable to believe that you’ll always going be perfect. You have to be horrible at something before you can be good at it. Most of the things you’re good at you were bad at first. You just did them long enough that you got better.
It’s unreasonable to think you can time hop and go straight to success without having the failures. It’s the getting up and starting over and learning to navigate failure that is truly the winner’s mindset.
This should be easier.
Stomp on this thought! How many times have you thought that something shouldn’t be so hard? And then use the fact that it’s hard as a sign that you’re not meant to have it.
Kelly Clarkson can just open her mouth and have this gorgeous sound come out of her. It looks so easy! But if I try to sing it’s atrocious. That’s the thing about experts, they make what they do look easy because they’ve been doing it so long that you’re seeing them at a different level of success. When you do something so much it becomes second nature and it is easy. Kelly Clarkson makes singing look easy. Does that make singing easy? Of course not.
It’s unreasonable to believe that things should be easy when you’re doing new things. It has to be hard before it gets easier. If you want to achieve your goals, you have to do it when it’s hard.
Easy things are things we have already mastered. In order for it to become easier, it must first be difficult.
You have to fall in love with the hard. Once you’re on a journey of self-mastery it doesn’t end. Once you get really great at something you want to add something else. Fall in love with the struggle and don’t make it mean something about you.
The other day on Instagram I saw a quote, “No one says raising kids is easy, but almost everyone says it’s rewarding”. I want you to apply that to your journey. Easy isn’t what we’re going for. We’re going for the rewarding part.
Often when something gets hard, we want to pull back. In those moments remind yourself that it isn’t supposed to be easy. Hard doesn’t mean you have to quit! If you’re a mom, you aren’t going to give your kids away just because it’s hard. Don’t give away your dreams either! It’s insane to give up on what you want because it feels hard.
I ran out of time.
Or any other excuse that removes personal responsibility. Saying things like, “I wanted to get a workout in, but time got away from me”. Stories like these aren’t coming from a place of ownership. You need to take personal responsibility for your excuses. We make excuses because we feel shameful and we want someone or something else to blame.
If you keep running out of time, there are plenty of solutions. You can plan ahead, meal prep on Sunday, schedule your week with time blocking, delegate some responsibilities, go to bed earlier and get up earlier, or work out at home instead of driving to a gym. There are so many solutions when we take personal responsibility.
That starts when we’re feeling the shame and don’t want to sit with it and acknowledge that we could have done things differently. Shifting the blame and making it out of your control isn’t doing you any good. Instead ask yourself what you can learn from what you did. This is a growth mindset. Always learning and always growing.
That way you’re never failing. Every time I do something that doesn’t turn out the way I want, I don’t think that I’m a total failure. I think about what I can learn and do differently next time. Life is cyclical and it’s going to keep showing you the same lessons over and over again until you fix them.
The new thought is,
I didn’t make the best choices today. What can I learn?
The bottom line is we are just telling ourselves a web of intricate stories that collectively create our result. Through ownership we can change our results and live in a different world. We can create whatever we want for our body, our life, our relationships, our career. It’s all available once you own your power and take control of your thoughts.
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