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I just had the pleasure of having Emilie Clarke as a guest on my podcast. Emilie helps women heal their anxiety with her love vs. fear method. She’s also the host of the Love Your Anxiety podcast. I love her energy and I know you will love her too!
I followed Emilie because of one thing she said- taking ownership of anxiety. Just because we have anxiety doesn’t mean it isn’t our personal responsibility to manage it. Emilie says,
As someone who has overcome anxiety, I know the amount of effort in taking on that personal responsibility to heal that anxiety. It’s not your fault, but it’s no one else’s responsibility but yours.
She adds, “It would be much easier to blame external things for your anxiety, but the truth is, you’re just operating from a story that doesn’t serve you anymore. It’s time to level up.” She says these things out of love because she has been the person who she is speaking to before.
I know you Bad Bitches are used to a little bit of tough love and will appreciate her honesty. If you like what we’re talking about today, I highly recommend that head to Emilie’s Love Your Anxiety podcast for the four-part series abut managing the holidays. She created this series because when she first started the podcast it was in the fall and she’d been working with people who were dealing with the stress of the upcoming holidays and she knew she could help. She says, “As much fun as the holidays are supposed to be, if you don’t have your shit together it can be very stressful.”
When I asked Emilie to share her story, she said she had gotten to a point in her life where her anxiety was really bad. At that time, she was 24 or 25 and people didn’t talk about anxiety as freely as they do now, and it had even more of a stigma. She wasn’t sure how to tell people what she was feeling. She was scared because she thought she was crazy. She also didn’t understand where the feelings were coming from because she’d never felt that way before.
She had just gotten married, had a good job and was living in a beautiful neighborhood. In other words, she had done everything she had been told to do to be happy. But she was so anxious she could barely function. She found it hard to get out of the house and when she did, she was nauseous.
She told me she vividly remembers when she realized she needed to get help. She was standing in 7-11 pouring a Slurpee. As the Slurpee was going into the cup it felt like all of the blood from her head was draining out and she thought she was going to faint. She knew that her anxiety had gotten to the point that she couldn’t keep it from other people. The shame of that sent her to therapy.
Her therapist helped her identify things she could work on. But even with therapy she hadn’t gotten rid of her anxiety. She didn’t want to just keep going to therapy, she wanted to feel like she had control over how she felt. So, she tried spirituality. It wasn’t how she was raised so it was all new.
The first spiritual book she read said, “it will not leave you until you love it”. She wondered how in the hell she was going to love her anxiety. Which led her on a journey to understand more about herself and her spirit and invite a bigger power into her life. Three years later she says she will never look back.
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, she says her anxiety was a 9.5 daily back then. Now it’s a 0 and not a thing in her life. She loves letting people know that they’re not alone and coaching people to help them get rid of anxiety.
When I asked her what about spirituality had the biggest impact for her she said it was the realization that she wasn’t alone, and she didn’t have to go through her anxiety alone because it brought her such joy and release.
I have such a big problem with people saying you should ignore fear. I like to ask myself when I’m having thoughts and feelings what they have to tell me. What do I need to change? What do I need to think about differently? Emilie agreed saying that she can get really lost in the idea of manifestation and the power of the mind, but that you have to acknowledge the things that are there like fear.
Emilie shared with us her top three tips for healing anxiety:
Have a shift in perception.
When anxiety comes up, instead of fearing it, find out what it can teach you. When you think of anxiety only in negative terms and try to shame and blame it, it will persist. But those who actually heal it give themselves permission to make that shift. They understand that anxiety is only there to teach us something. Ask what you need to learn in that moment. That is the first and biggest shift you can have with your anxiety.
Try asking yourself how you can love this moment more. That helps Emilie switch from her head into her heart and choose love over fear.
Change the story.
The fearful voice in your head is going to try its hardest to trick you into something really scary…
Why did that person look at me like that?
Why didn’t he hold the door open for me?
Why is this email in CAPS?
I don’t want to drive there we have to go over a bridge.
The human part of you is always trying to enroll you into some kind of story….
I can’t eat carbs.
I can’t wear that color.
Who am I to go for that promotion?
If you don’t take the time to manage those stories, you’re on auto pilot. And then you’re where I was at the Slurpee machine. Really, it’s a mismanagement of the stories in your head.
The exciting part is that you can change your story to whatever you want. It’s about giving yourself permission to open up to it.
Don’t judge yourself.
It’s so incredibly easy to judge ourselves for anything. Humans have eyeballs and five senses to create opinions. It’s there to protect us, but we also use it to judge. It’s up to you. You can judge yourself and make your anxiety a big, bad thing or you can heal it. The choice is yours.
If you don’t want to suffer be kind to yourself. Instead love your self deeply. Acknowledge when you’re going through a challenging moment and don’t judge yourself or your anxiety. Then you’re no longer afraid of yourself.
Emilie gives clients the tools to self-soothe so they don’t have to rely on something external like therapy or even holistic methods like oils or journaling. These are fun, tangible tools that absolutely can aid you, but it won’t fix your anxiety. You are the most powerful part of your healing.
Emilie has a free Axe Your Anxiety Bootcamp with a private Facebook community of people who listen to her podcast and are motivated to heal their anxiety through love instead of fear. There are three training videos that will take you deeper into the three steps.
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