Change feels really hard for most people. Yet for some, out of nowhere, they seem to make a decision or are forced into action and poof, they’ve seemingly become unstoppable. Are you the kind of woman who feels as though something is missing in your life, but you’re not entirely sure what it is? Maybe you’ve spent the majority of your life making everyone else happy and behaving the way you thought you were supposed to? Are you starting to question all of that, but you don’t really know what you want? Perhaps all you know is what you don’t want!
It’s time to focus on figuring out what you truly want, create that change and make it stick.
First, we need to understand the reasons people change. Guess what? There’s only four. I’m going to explain each of them and for fun, I’m giving each of the four reasons a character. Hopefully, this will help you see people that you know in these characters and have that AHA moment. Once you can see that in other people, you can see it in yourself.
Reason for Change #1: Reactive
Here we have High Cholesterol Helen. She recently had her yearly physical and found out that she has high cholesterol. Her doctor told her to do something about it fast because it’s not healthy and she’s putting her life at risk. Helen has spent a lot of time in the past trying to create some healthy habits, but nothing has really stuck for her. Now she is pushed into a situation where her choices are to risk dying or to do something about it. Helen had to wait for it to get to this point for her to actually make the change and for it to stick. She had to feel like it was literally life or death to make change. While it’s awesome she was finally able to make the change, she waited too long. You want to be in a position where you are the one deciding how your life plays out and not being reactive to bad news from the doctor.
Reason for Change #2: Proactive
Our character here is Reunion Rebecca. She has tried to make change many times over the past years but hasn’t been able to lose weight or make any of the positive lifestyle changes that she wanted because it didn’t feel tangible enough. She couldn’t see the true benefit of losing weight so she usually opted for cake and pizza. But she recently got divorced and her 30-year high school reunion is happening soon. She heard through the grapevine that her high school sweetheart is also recently divorced and planning to attend. Now, Rebecca who has never had a tangible reason to make change, is starting to daydream about her reunion. How she wants to think and feel and how she wants her high school sweetheart to perceive her. Now she’s motivated to make change because she sees a tangible benefit to losing weight. Any time she feels like skipping a workout she envisions herself at the reunion hugging her ex-boyfriend and that is enough motivation for her. I do take issue with the fact that Rebecca is making changes because of how she wants this guy to see her. But while the motive is a little off, if she starts making healthy choices and strength training, I know she’ll develop so much confidence that she’ll start making these changes for herself, not just others.
Reason for Change #3: Escape
Let’s call this woman, Fed Up Felicia. She’s at her breaking point. She’s frustrated with her relationship and knows that now is the time to make a serious change. She draws a metaphorical line in the sand, but she knows herself and that she will go back on her word if she’s pressed. Felicia hires someone to help her go on this path so she can make change, but she finds it easy to fall back into those old habits. She also likes to be enabled and coddled as she goes through the process of change. To succeed, Felicia must remember how fed up she is and use that as motivation to stick with the work that she’s doing. Changing to escape is the hardest way to make change. It is much more difficult to move away from something than pulling yourself toward something.
Episode #147 of the Bad Bitches Losing Weight Podcast – The Change Cycle– breaks down the cycle we go through when we want to make change and how it’s very difficult to get ourselves out of that cycle if we’re unaware of it.
Reason for Change #4: Move Towards Passion
Meet Missing Link Melinda. Just like the other ladies, Melinda has tried to make change in the past. She’s taken some extra college courses and a pottery class. She’s tried CrossFit and done all of the diets. She does the things, but the things are never what makes her happy. She can’t figure out what’s missing, but she knows there’s a need that she isn’t fulfilling. She gets a pang in her gut and thinks, “There must be more to life than this. I am meant to do more”. When people start to make change, they often feel like they want to tell everyone else and help other people make changes. This happened to me during my weight loss journey! I finally had it all figured out for the first time in my life and I felt compelled to tell everyone else about it. I thought I was unique, but it’s actually really normal. Many Missing Link Melindas end up becoming coaches or helping other people with their transformation. Melinda may not be exactly sure what she wants yet, but she knows there’s something out there. That’s all she needs to take the first step and start inquiring further. Clarity comes with inquiry.
Melinda is the exact kind of woman that I work with. I help women find themselves and find their preordained assets and weaknesses so that they can successfully align with their higher purpose. With my clients, I use identity archetypes. While there are infinite archetypes, I focus on the top eight common among Bad Bitches. Take this quiz to discover your archetype and uncover what makes you tick. You’ll also discover the negative side to your archetype that may be holding you back. Each archetype has a reason for living. Discovering yours will help you find what gets your juices flowing and what gets you excited to get out of bed every morning. Use that as a direction to point yourself on your journey of self-discovery. Figure out who it is that you want to be and how to transform into her.