Listen to the Latest Episode!
Today we’re going to be talking about some scary stuff! I know we’re coming up on Halloween, but let me tell you, what we’re about to talk about is scarier than any ghost story or any Dateline. We’re going to talk about what you should really fear.
I was inspired to talk to you about what you should really fear because of a song I heard on the radio. Last week my kids and I drove to Michigan, which is two states away, just to go apple picking. I live right outside of Chicago and because it’s so populated here the pumpkin patches and apple orchards are very commercialized. We don’t like that vibe so we decided to just take the day and go to Michigan. In the car I heard the song Cult of Personality which is by Living Colour. It’s from the middle of the 80s. I know you know this song. One of the lines in the song is a quote from Franklin Roosevelt,
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
How Fear Holds Us Back
That got me thinking about fear during my several hours long drive. Let’s talk about your fear. I’m not talking about the scary movie kind. I’m talking the kind that keeps you from doing the things you think you want. The point of fear is to keep us safe. If we didn’t have fear we would chase after bears and do all sorts of stupid things. So, on the surface, fear seems like a good thing because it keeps us alive. But just like everything, too much of a good thing is bad thing.
What ends up happening is we feel fear without examining it. Often the thing that we fear is less scary than our current situation.
Fear is emotional, not logical. As I was preparing to talk about this topic, I couldn’t help but think about my ex-husband. I knew literally the first day of the honeymoon that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. In hindsight, I don’t really believe in mistakes. I got two great kids out that marriage and I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t married him. But, just for the record, he turned out to be a heroine addict and a deadbeat dad so I can say those things about him.
When my kids were young, I knew our marriage was wrong and it just never got any better. I remember thinking how embarrassed I was that I chose this partner. I worried about what other people would think about me if I chose to leave him. I worried that if people knew how bad he was they would think poorly of me for staying with him and choosing him in the first place. I worried about leaving him and who would take care of him. Believe it or not, I did. I worried about being a single mom and what my kids would think about me. I worried if I would be able to take care of them. I worried about what I would do and where I would go. I didn’t have a family that I could just move in with. I had a lot of fear.
What do you do when you have so much fear? You push it aside. You make it okay. You pretend it isn’t there.
Because it’s so painful to really address what you’re thinking and feeling and what might have to change if you were to accept it. You’d rather just sit in the fear itself. I did that for a very long time until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I finally ended up leaving many, many years later.
What Happens When We’re Afraid
That’s what fear does. It’s like a squirrel in the middle of the street when a car is coming. The squirrel doesn’t get out of the way because he’s freaked out and frozen. You may be feeling that way right now. Perhaps there are things you want to change in your life. Maybe you don’t know where to start. Or you’re scared about what’s going to have to change or what if you fail or what if it’s less safe than the way I’m feeling right now. So, you end up just sitting in it.
What happens to that squirrel that just sits in the road? If you’re a nice driver like me you slowly drive around it. But if not, the squirrel gets run over.
Examine Your Fear
Here’s what you need to do. Increase the stakes. Journal at length on…
- What will happen if you continue doing what you are currently doing?
- What will your life be like a year from now?
- Five years from now?
- Ten years from now?
- Are you willing to wait that long?
Hindsight is 20/20 so I’m not beating myself up about my first marriage. But, if I’d had a level head and a sober mind and body and I had information like I do now, I could have gotten really honest with myself about where I would have been if I stayed with my partner for those years. I could pretty easily predict the catastrophe that my life would be.
If I were to increase the stakes and own it, I would have been really honest with myself that there was no hope, it was going to get worse and not doing something about it was the scariest thing of all.
So, I ask you, my lovely Bad Bitch, what do you fear? Tell me in the comments!
This is it baby! Today is the last day to join the Bad Bitch Starter Kit. Have you been putting it off, thinking about it nonstop or laying awake at night saying, “damn I really want this!” then girl now is the time! The doors are closing and they will not be opening again!
Follow me on your favorite social media platform!