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There are six core needs at the root of our motivation. We all have these six core needs, but we put them in different orders and prioritize them differently than other people. Sometimes this depends on what we currently have available to us. For example, if you’re already feeling very loved and supported by your partner you may not prioritize that requirement as much.
These core needs are not in any particular order. Just think about them in relation to your own needs. What’s your modus operandi for how you live your own life? This will also give you an indication about core areas where you’re not receiving what you need and that’s why you’re obsessing over those things.
Certainty looks like having a home and knowing where your next meal is coming from. We don’t do well when we’re in survival mode. We need to be certain of our surroundings. That’s why this year many people have felt very uncertain and very unsure about their situation. Depending on your needs and what you already have available to you, you might not be feeling very certain right now and that’s the number one thing you’re pursuing.
Confused yet? It depends on the thoughts you place on the meaning of certainty and uncertainty. For some people, myself included, 2020 has been a big wake up call. It was the variety that I needed in my life to remind me that life is short.
You cannot count on tomorrow to be like today.
We need that variety. If we had certainty all of the time, we would have no motive to do anything at all. Variety is the spice of life. If we didn’t have it, every single day would be like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. We would be miserable. We need to have good days and bad days so we can appreciate the good days.
Whether we want to admit it or not, we all want to feel unique and special. For some people, the need is expressed through needing to be the best employee or run the fastest or lift the most or have the nicest thing. Other people get this need met by being the person with the most problems. Fulfilling the need for significance isn’t always with positive things. How many people do you know that are the one-uppers with their problems not their successes? Usually the person with the biggest problems has learned they get a lot of attention from others by being uniquely miserable or having the most pressing needs.
I like to remind myself that I’m not a magical unicorn. Significance is important because we are all unique and special. But when there’s too much we feel like, “Sure, she can get those results. But I can’t because I’m different.” In other words, I’m a magical unicorn and I have all of these problems. So, while we are all unique and special, we’re also kind of not. Most of our problems can be solved in similar forms or fashions that other people have used to solve their problems.
We all require love. When we think about love it’s comforting. But it’s also that primal thing is in us that makes us want to get laid and make babies. Because if we didn’t, humans wouldn’t survive. However, if we don’t feel love, we’ll settle for connection of some sort. But we get this false sense of connection at our own expense.
Because we’re pleasing other people so we can feel a pseudo feeling of love. It’s important to recognize that when we are people pleasing, we really just want to be loved.
I was a huge people pleaser. I really did operate from a place of just wanting people to love me. Now, I’m at a place in my life where I can admit it. I started my podcast because I wanted to help other women. But it’s also really important to me to be liked. Not to the point where I’m going to say things that I don’t mean, but overall, I like to help people feel good.
It becomes a dysfunction when we morph who we are to become who we think other people want us to be. If you’re doing things for other people that you don’t want to do, you’re craving love of some sort and there’s a lot of answers in there.
Why are you feeling that way? Sometimes it’s a habit. But usually the habit was created because we were raised by people who were people pleasers.
Growth is like muscle and muscles atrophy if we don’t use them. If you’re not growing, you’re actually dying. For many it’s a slow, life-long death because they don’t strive for growth. They don’t want more. They don’t want to improve, or they don’t know how. But when you get addicted to growth you live 1,000 lives. Because when you grow you evolve over and over again. You are constantly upgrading. You invent a better and better version of yourself.
In all of the years I’ve had an iPhone I’ve never broken it. But I was using my current phone without a phone case so I could look like a person in a movie and I dropped my phone. Now the entire back of it is shattered. Apple just announced the new iPhone and now I want it! When you’re obsessed with growth it’s like you’re always the newest iPhone. It’s a coming out party- what are the new upgrades, what are the newest features?
When you consistently focus on trying to improve yourself and fall in love with the journey, you get to become the best version of yourself. Every single time a new version comes out it’s even better than the last.
I’ve learned a lot in the past seven years of my evolution from being a drug-addicted single mother, unemployed, obese, abusing alcohol. I thought I was unique and special because when I went on my weight loss journey this last time, I nailed it. I had this feeling come over me that I needed to tell every single woman who ever existed the answers and to help her. I thought I was special and there was something about me because I had this calling from the gods. Turns out it’s just a human need! When you have your other needs met and you’re feeling safe, then you start feeling that you want to contribute. That’s why this need usually comes last.
It’s different than significance because this need isn’t about you. It’s about everybody else. That’s when I decided that I was going to spend the rest of my life helping other women. If you have that calling inside of you to help, it’s natural. It’s there because you’re in a place in which you’re available to help other women.
If that’s you, stay tuned. I have some really exciting news I’ll be sharing in the coming weeks! Upon reflecting on your needs and priorities you get to decide if the way you’re doing things is serving the highest version of yourself. You get to inspect your needs and ask yourself what needs aren’t getting met and why and why it’s important. Once you have that, you have some clarity and direction to change.
What’s your hierarchy of needs? Tell me in the comments!
The doors to the Bad Bitch Starter Kit are closing. This is it, girlfriend! Are you being called to join and hang out with me for the next 10 weeks and learn everything you need to know about transforming your life from the inside out- mind, body and relationships? Grab one of the last spots right now.